


The song is ended, but the memory lingers on

by Quagswagging



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Family Loss, Flashbacks, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 15:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19321339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quagswagging/pseuds/Quagswagging
Summary: It was hard for Daniel to see Charles on days like this, and it seemed Charles felt the same about seeing him. It all just brought back memories, and although most of them were good, it all involved Jules.And thinking about Jules made their hearts ache





	The song is ended, but the memory lingers on

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sendoffire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sendoffire/gifts).



> Thank you to sendoffire for heloing with this idea <3  
> I hope I did it justice <3
> 
> (Title is a quote by Irving Berlin)
> 
> Note: The fic is mostly set during the charity match for Association Jules Bianchi.
> 
> *All French used in this fic is mostly google translated, excuse me for any errors*

Daniel spotted Charles in the far corner of the dressing room, talking quietly to Pierre. There was something intensely somber about his expression, and maybe, just maybe, if it had been just the two of them, Daniel would have walked over. The Monégasque suddenly looked up, locking eyes with Daniel. They shared a sad smile, a painful understanding between the two of them that was almost intimate. Still, Daniel made no move to go over, and Charles quickly went back to his conversation with Pierre, turning his back to the Aussie as Daniel refused to look in his direction again.

 

It was hard for Daniel to see Charles on days like this, and it seemed Charles felt the same about seeing him. It all just brought back memories, and although most of them were good, it all involved Jules. 

 

And thinking about Jules made their hearts ache.

 

~~ 

 

Sweaty and satisfied, Daniel made his way back to the dressing room after the soccer match, feeling his emotions slowly starting to bubble up high, his fatigue making it harder to keep the ever present smile on his face. He carded his fingers through his hair, wincing a little as they got caught behind a knot in his curls. He hadn’t watched were he was going and bumped into someone.

 

“I… oh sorry Charles.” Daniel muttered as the young Monégasque turned to him. Charles gave him a small smile before averting his eyes.

 

“It’s no problem.” there was tension on the younger man’s face, his eyes seeming a little far off as he nibbled his bottom lip. Daniel hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Are you okay?” he muttered softly. Charles smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

“I’m fine.” he answered. Daniel let out a long breath.

 

“I miss him too.” he blurted out. He regretted it instantly, knew that compared to Charles, he hadn’t even known Jules that well. Sure, him and Jules had been close friends, but if his heart already hurt at the thought of Jules, he couldn’t imagine the pain Charles was feeling. Charles seemed to understand whatever confusion passed over Daniel’s face and reached out to lightly place his palm on the Aussie’s forearm.

 

“It’s okay.” Charles muttered, a soft smile on his face. Daniel sighed, opening his mouth to speak, but suddenly he was being ushered away again, to more interviews. Looking over his shoulder, Daniel saw Charles looking at his retreating form, a vulnerability on his face that made him look so young, so much like the shy boy Jules had introduced him too all those years ago.

 

Daniel averted his eyes, plastered a smile on his face, and faced the cameras.

 

~~

 

_ “Julie! Julie!” a high pitched voice called out as Jules opened the door. Daniel stood back,a little as a small fluffy haired boy propelled himself into Jules’s legs. Jules knelt down to hug the boy to his chest, pressing a kiss to his cheek. _

 

_ “Bonjour, mon petit Charlesie.” Jules whispered, pressing a kiss to the boy’s temple. He stood up again, the 10-year old holding onto his hand as they turned to Daniel. _

 

_ “C’est mon ami, Daniel.” Jules told the boy, before smiling at Daniel. “Dan, this is my godson, Charles.” Daniel smiled at Charles. _

 

_ “It’s nice to meet you, Charles.” he said softly. Charles shyly hid behind Jules’s legs, seeming a little weary of the Aussie. Jules chuckled and gently pushed Charles in front of him again. _

 

_ “He’s not scary.’ He promised. Charles frowned a little. _

 

_ “English hard…” he mumbled, accent thick around the words. Daniel smiled encouragingly. _

 

_ “My English is worse than your French, believe me.” he said. After Jules quickly translated the sentence for Charles, the boy giggled. _

 

_ “Play cars?” Charles asked Daniel, pointing inside to the mat with some toy cars on top of it. Daniel grinned widely and nodded. _

 

_ “I’d love to.” He accepted, letting Charles take a hold of his hand to tug him inside. Jules let out a dramatic gasp. _

 

_ “I’ve already been out favorited!” He chuckled. Charles pouted at him and climbed on Jules’s lap as the Frenchman sat down.  _

 

_ “Je t'aime, Jules. Tu es my favourite” the little boy muttered, grinning proudly as he succeeded at pronouncing the two English words, pressing a sloppy kiss to Jules’s cheek. Daniel watched on as Jules softly answered the boy. The Aussie smiled. Glad, honoured even, that Jules trusted him enough to meet this little one, who was clearly very special to him. _

 

_ ~~ _

 

Daniel shook the memory off, finishing the interview as fast he could before practically running back to the dressing room to get his bag. It was close to deserted now, most of the players having already gone home. Charles was still leant to the wall, looking at a picture of Jules on the wall. 

 

Daniel swallowed thickly and walked over, wordlessly moving to stand next to him. Charles glanced at him before returning his gaze to the picture. Daniel realised it was one of Jules and Charles together, Charles grinning widely as he held what looked like a karting trophy, Jules behind him with a matching grin.

 

“He was always there for my wins.” Charles muttered, voice thick. Daniel sighed but didn’t answer, didn’t think Charles wánted him to answer.

 

“I still look for him, if I’m on a podium. Still expect to see his face in the crowd. He’s never there.” Charles whispered, before sighing and stepping away from the picture, walking over to where his bag was still on one of the benches.

 

“I still want to text him sometimes. When something happens that I know would have made him smile.” Daniel said, not turning away from the picture. He heard Charles stop digging around the bag. 

 

“I still remember him texting photos to you when he was watching me sometimes.” He mumbled. Daniel chuckled, the sound a bit hoarse.

 

“Yeah, I still have some of those pictures.”

 

~~~

 

_ Daniel grinned as he saw Jules’s message, opening it while he tried to catch his breath after a tough training session. _

 

_ ‘Charles says hello’ the message read, a picture of the Frenchman and the little boy attached. Young Charles sprawled on the sofa against Jules’s side, both with their tongues sticking out. Daniel ginned and answered. _

 

_ ‘Tell him I said hello too! And that he can be very proud of his karting win last week!’  Daniel answered. He still saw Charles regularly, Jules often dragging him along when we was asked to babysit the younger boy, and since having Daniel over was good practise for Charles’s English. Daniel didn’t mind. It was fun hanging out with them, and entertaining. The two could have been brothers, always pestering and annoying each other, but at the end of the day, Jules was always there for Charles, and vice versa. Daniel was maybe partially envious of it, but mostly happy to see them interact, to be part of it _

 

_ ‘Look, mon petit Charlesie is getting old!’ Jules’s next message read. There was a video attached this time, one of Charles giggling and trying to push Jules away as the Frenchman kept pointing at Charles’s top lip. _

 

_ “He needs to start shaving!” Jules exclaimed, while Charles yelled at him in French, giggling as Jules moved his attacks from Charles’s face to his side, poking him just under his ribs until Charles was out of breath from laughing.  _

 

_ The camera turned to show Jules’s face, the Frenchman beaming as he attempted to pout at the camera, his lips continuously twitching up into smiles. _

 

_ “My baby is growing up so fast.” he sighed, before laughing at a noise of protest from Charles. Daniel smiled as the video ended, hesitating a little as he debated what to answer. _

 

_ ‘I’ll visit again soon, remind me to bring razors for petit Charles.’ _

 

_ ~~ _

 

Daniel startled out of his thoughts when he heard a soft sniffle behind him. He turned to see Charles was hunched into himself a little, shoulders pulled up to his chest and a hand pressed to his mouth to stifle the sounds. Daniel’s eyes widened.

 

“Charles?” he asked softly. Charles let out a shuddering breath and wiped at his eyes.

 

“S-sorry, it’s just… It’s just too much sometimes.” he hiccuped. Daniel sighed.

 

“I know.” he answered. Charles shuddered and shoved his shirt into his bag, ruffling his fingers through his hair.

 

“I will be fine.” he sighed. “Days like this, it’s just hard.” he added. Daniel nodded.

 

“i know the feeling.” part of him just wanted to pull the young Ferrari driver into his arms, tell him it would be okay, and that he felt the same. But he couldn’t forget the last time he had tried to comfort the youngster, tried to hug him like Jules had done…

 

Charles looked up at him with wide blue eyes, tears still brimming in them. Daniel let out a shuddering breath, trying to blink away the tears in his own eyes. 

 

“I’m so sorry.” Daniel mumbled, even though he wasn’t sure what he was apologising for. Charles let out a chuckle, but it sounded broken, no humour of happiness in his tone.

 

“Don’t be.” He said, voice more sharp and tense. Daniel swallowed thickly, turning away to zip up his bag.

 

He knew he shouldn’t have tried to comfort Charles, he knew how it would end up anyways.

 

~~

 

_ Daniel felt dazed, wasn’t sure anymore what was going on around him anymore. He felt like crying but had no more tears left, doubted he could ever cry again. He uncomfortable tugged on the sleeves of his dark suit, before sighing and turning away, unable to look at any more crying people without starting to scream.  _

 

_ Jules was gone. Jules was dead.  _

 

_ The sentences repeated in his head, over and over again. Daniel felt nauseous, and stumbled over to the bathroom. _

 

_ God, he hated funerals.  _

 

_ He was glad the bathrooms were mostly deserted, and he quickly closed the door behind him, before turning to the stalls when one of those doors opened. _

 

_ “Charles.” Daniel mumbled as the younger man stepped out. Charles’s face was red and blotchy, tear tracks still fresh on his face. The Monégasque seemed flustered at being caught in such a vulnerable position, eyes widening as he flinched ever so slightly. _

 

_ “Charles I-” Dan started, moving to the younger man. _

 

_ ‘No!” Charles interrupted sharply. “Don’t. Just don’t tell me you’re sorry. It doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t bring him back!” His voice rose with every word, until he was practically yelling. Dan was a little taken aback by the sharpness; but still stepped closer, trying to draw the 16 year old into his arms. _

 

_ “It will be okay.” He muttered, even though he doubted it would be. Momentarily, Charles sagged into his embrace, and Daniel carded his fingers through the young man’s hair. _

 

_ “I’ve got you, mon petit Charlesie.” Daniel muttered without thinking about it. Charles roughly pushed him away, a look on his face that was part betrayal, part grief.  _

 

_ “You can’t take his place!” Charles yelled. Daniel blinked. _

 

_ “I’m not trying too. Charles I’m just trying to he-” _

 

_ “Don’t call me that, that ‘mon petit Charlesie’!” Charles practically screamed. “He called me that, only him! You can’t replace him, you will never replace him!”  _

 

_ Daniel took a step back, unsure what to do. He could only watch as Charles broke down in more tears, sinking to his knees with his head in his hands. More people rushed into the room now, Dan recognizing Charles’s older brother, who pulled Charles in his arms as some other people filled a glass with water for him. _

 

_ “He is gone…” Charles sobbed. “Remène le… s’il vous plait.” He rambled over and over again. The words still rang in Daniel’s ears as he exited the bathroom, bile rising in his throat once more. _

 

_ Jules really was gone _

 

_ ~~ _

“Dan?” Charles’s hand came to rest on the Aussie’s upper arm. Daniel’s vision was blurred with tears as he tried to focus on Charles’s face

 

“I-I know I shouldn’t complain, I know this is all so much worse for you… But I- god I just miss him so much.” Daniel whispered, voice breaking. Charles seemed surprised.

 

“Of course you can miss him.” He sniffled, shuffling closer. “Jules was your best friend.” Daniel closed his eyes.

 

“It’s unfair. We should be playing this stupid match to celebrate one of his championships, not because he- he-” the word got stuck in his throat.

 

“Because he’s gone.” Charles finished for him, followed by a sob. They awkwardly stood staring at each other for a moment; both crying now. Daniel took in a shaky breath.

 

“I- can I hug you?” He asked. Charles let out a sob and nodded, falling into Dan’s arms as his cries worsened. Daniel held him, crying against the top of Charles’s head as he felt Charles’s tears on his shoulder.

 

“I miss him so much.” Charles cried out. Daniel closed his eyes, carding trembling fingers through Charles’s hair.

 

“I know, me too.” He answered. They slowly calmed down a little, until they both at least felt like they could breathe again. Charles pulled away a little.

 

“I- I’m sorry I practically ignored you all these years.” he mumbled. “It just hurt.” Daniel wiped at his eyes with his sleeve.

 

“I understand, I felt the same.” He answered. Charles suddenly chuckled, the sound a bit muffled by his blocked nose.

 

“God Jules would think we are such idiots for acting this way.” he mumbled. Dan smiled fondly. He could still see Jules’s exasperated expression if he really tried. 

 

“He would have. But I think he would have also understood.” Dan answered, Charles nodding in agreement. Charles bit his lip suddenly, averting his eyes.

 

“Could you… could you say it? What Jules always called me? You were the only ever person who called me that.” Charles’s eyes were wide and vulnerable again as he spoke, and Daniel felt a tug of protectiveness in his chest, thinking about young Charles and realising the Charles in front of him hadn’t changed that much since then.

 

“Mon petit Charlesie.” Daniel whispered, even though he was sure his pronunciation was still as horrible as all those years ago. Contrary to the last time Daniel had called Charles by the nickname, Charles didn’t yell, didn’t scream at him. Instead the young Monégasque sighed shakily, walked over, and wrapped his arms arms around the Aussie, his chin resting on Dan’s shoulder.

 

“Thank you.” He whispered, and Dan smiled hesitantly, for the first time in over 4 years actually believing things would be okay.


End file.
